Leggings are NOT Pants (and other fashion faux pas)

Before I became a professional waitress, I worked in retail. For a long time. My whole working life long time. During those awful years, I saw some HORRIBLE fashion faux pas, and learned some valuable lessons from my superiors. These are some of the worst trends I’ve seen.

Leggings as Pants

Michael Kors himself said leggings are not pants. Sure, they look cute under a sweaterdress or a long tee. And by long, I mean past your butt crack. It really irks me when I see girls running around with leggings and a t-shirt that leaves their butt hanging out. And yes, your butt IS hanging out. Leggings are only slightly thicker than opaque tights. You wouldn’t wear tights alone, would you? Didn’t think so.

Sure, I’ve worn leggings a few times. They’re okay when worn properly. But please, PLEASE keep your ass covered. Thanks.

Jeggings

Ah, the jegging. A close inbred cousin to the legging. I’m not sure who thought this up, or who thought to market it to any girl older than 12. These are not okay. I repeat, NOT okay. Unless you have less than 1% body fat. In which case I think you need help.

The main problem with jeggings is that they are accepted as pants, but they show EVERYTHING. They’re not flattering. They look extremely uncomfortable. Anything that you have to grease yourself up to get into is just awful. Unless its a wetsuit. In which case you’re probably a surfer. And I would like to hang out with you.

Pajama Jeans

Oh dear God. Please, please, please make these go away. Someone had the bright idea to take fabric that is like pajamas and make them look like jeans. Why? WHY?! If you’re too lazy to put on jeans, wear yoga pants or something. Anything would be better than this abomination. Except leggings. As pants.

I really have nothing else to say about them, because thinking about it is giving me a headache. Awful. Just awful.

Forever Lazy

Okay, I have a snuggie. I love my snuggie, actually. It’s a great invention. But this…this is just another thing entirely. Adult footie pajamas without the feet. With a butt hatch. Who thinks of these things? These are fine if you’re say, three. Not thirty three. The butt hatch is really what kills me. Are you really THAT lazy that you can’t take your suit off to go to the bathroom? Not to mention, it looks like if you don’t have outstanding coordination you could have a serious mess on your hands. No pun intended.

And there you have it. There are many, many more faux pas, but I feel these are the most serious. Just trying to change the world, one horrible fad at a time. Have more awful fads? Tweet me: @marymallard

Thanks kids!

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About MaryMallard

I'm obsessed with social media, good food, and my dog. I just want to leave a footprint in the world, no matter how small. I hope this blog entertains you, makes you think, or inspires you to try new things. If you have anything to say, don't hesitate to say it. And if there are ever truffle fries on a menu, order them.

Posted on January 17, 2012, in Life. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Excellent observations as always. How many days into using the Forever Lazy do you think someone goes before accidentally soiling the butt flap?

  1. Pingback: Take That Thing Off Your Head | Where Is My Sandwich?

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